last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
