You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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