happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
