so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
How external is "for external use only"?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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