i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
