Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
