how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
