Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
