I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
