Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
