I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
