oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
