who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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