I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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