What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
