I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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