i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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