I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
