i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
