I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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