After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
