These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I need to sanitize my soul.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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