I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
