they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
you had me at cake vodka
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
