Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
