i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
