if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
