and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
