Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
