I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
