I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Randomize
