worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
