Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
