why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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