The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
