apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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