This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
