The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
