On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
