How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
