guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
