I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
