I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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