i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
