Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
