Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
