Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I came so hard my ears popped.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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