I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize