i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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