South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize