Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
