she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
