I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize