My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
