getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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