My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
