I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
