Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i now understand why vodka
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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