did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
