how can u be prego again
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
