you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
