Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize