When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
