all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize