32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
