My liver just broke up with me...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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